Support?

While I was channel surfing today (between workouts), I found a show on Directv's Logo channel called "I Used to be Fat." It's about overweight teens who are in transition from high school to college who want to lose weight before heading off to college. Some of the parents on this show are amazing in the sense that they're not supporting their children. One mother told her daughter she was being selfish for working out 4 hours a day. What kind of mother does that?! I sat here in shock thinking that if I were standing in front of her, I would have slapped her.

But, this got me thinking about a conversation the hubby and I had one night while sitting on the deck (we do that often because we smoke out there). We were talking about my weight and how I would like him to help me stay on track. He totally shocked me when he said that he was hesitant to help me lose the weight. He said this because he's scared that once I hit my goal weight, I'm going to look back on our relationship and think that I've wasted time and that I can do better for myself.

I don't know what hurt me more; him being hesitant or him feeling like that. We've been together for 14 years and, while it hasn't always been easy, I've never thought I can do better. The really strange part is that one of my goals for losing weight is to feel better about our relationship. We're on opposite ends of the spectrum.

I want to feel more secure about who I am and how I look so I'll want to do more things with the family. For example, I despise going to the beach because I'm surrounded by millions of people who are skinnier than me, prettier than me, etc.

So, that left me thinking that I don't have his support but it's the little things. He takes his time at the grocery store picking out the foods that I like and that are healthy for me. Just one of the reasons I love him. But, sometimes, I can't help but think it's a push/pull relationship. What I mean is that he'll spend the time to get me what I need but he won't try to stop me when I want to eat, or am eating, junk.

I'm not really sure if I have his total support and/or if he's going to resent me when I hit my goal weight. I can't be worried about this right now though. It's one of those things that I have to show him because he's not going to believe it any other way.

Okay, that's enough of that. I don't need anything to weigh me down or to create a mental roadblock for me. It's time to focus on what I need to do.